Lapdance London

Advice Information

There are many questions in the world of strip clubs but I seem to get the same ones a lot. I have collected questions regarding strip clubs and clubbing, and put them into this FAQ page and all those questions are answered.
Please check here and read carefully before you send me e-mail.
Thanks for conserving bandwidth on the Internet.

How old do I have to be?
You have to be 18 or over to go to nude clubs and topless clubs and bars.

Where should I sit?
If you are a newbie to strip clubs, I would suggest you sit right at the rail on the stage and enjoy yourself. Tip generously and the dancers will show you what you want to see.
If you've been there and done that, sit off stage and observe the private dances and the dancers as they interact with their regular customers. The way a dancer treats her regular customer is a good indicator of what is potentially possible for you after you get to know her a little bit. If you are interested in one particular dancer, sit by the stage only when she is dancing, then move away from the stage when she is done. This shows her that you are only interested in her and you can also ask her to come talk to you off stage right after her set as she's collecting her tips from you.
What club should I go to in Central London?

This depends on what you are looking for. If you want to go to a nice looking nude club with good lookers and no contact, try Browns / the Griffin. If you want real close up nude views in your face and some contact, try Ye Olde Axe and the Spread Eagle. If you want heavy contact and nasty dances, go to you will need to find an "Private Party". For maximum number and variety of girls try Spearmint Rhino (Tottenham Court Road) and For Your Eyes Only (Mayfair).

What good clubs are in / near Soho?

Boulevard Striptease, Sunset Strip, Cabaret of Angels, Cabaret of Devils, Spearmint Rhino, Sophisticats and the Windmill International are the next closest clubs to the Soho area. Please note, that just because the Soho area is famous for it's clubs doesn't make it the best area in London for Strip venues. Most locals would recommend the Shoreditch area over Soho, but again this is down to personal preference.

What good clubs are in West London?

Secrets in Hammersmith and LA Confidential in Ealing and For Your Eyes Only at Park Royal are all good clubs to checkout.

What good clubs are in North London?

Charlie Browns is a great topless club in that area with good security and a variety of girls. For Nude dances try Secrets (Euston).

What good clubs are in East London?

Metropolis is the biggest club in that area with a shower dance VIP and corporate areas. If you want to go to a nice looking nude club with good lookers and a little contact, try Browns. For more contact, try Ye Olde Axe and the Spread Eagle. Also well worth a visit are the White Horse, the Nag's Head and Images. Further out are the California, the Railway Hotel and the Upton Manor Public bars which regularly have strippers on set nights.

What good clubs are in South London?

The Queen Anne is the main strip bar in South London. Also check out the Horse and Groom. Also note, Spearment Rhino are going to open a club at Vauxhall later in the year.

What good clubs are near Heathrow?

Spearmint Rhino in Slough and LA Confidential (Ealing) and For Your Eyes Only (Park Royal) are nude clubs not too far away.

What clubs are open late?

Many of the better nude clubs are open late (2:00am - 3:30am) on weekend nights. However, some clubs close earlier than advertised if there are no customers. Your best bet is to call before going down there.
Remember that British public bars close at 11pm as a rule unless they have a special licence to open later.

What time of day should I go?

Most clubs have more dancers working at night than during the day. Moreover, generally speaking, the night dancers are better looking. However, there are exceptions to every rule and since it is less crowded during the day, you can get more attention from the dancer. Also, at most clubs, the rules are more relaxed during the day and the mileage can be much higher than at night. Every club have shift changes and during that time, you can see both day and night dancers. However, at some clubs, there are very few dancers when the day shift dancers are leaving and the night shift dancers have not arrived yet. So keep these factors in mind when considering the time to go to the club. As far as the day, Friday and Saturday nights are usually busiest. This means that there are more dancers, but once again, you will be competing with more customers for their attention. Whereas, the slow nights (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday), may offer you more attention from the dancers.
Basically, if you want to just "mingle" with the crowd, go on the busy days or nights. If you want more special attention, you should try the slower days or nights.
While we are on this topic of when to go clubbing, I'd like to remind people that dancers often wait until the last minute to make money for rent and other bills. Therefore, there are usually a lot of dancers working near the end of the month or the beginning of the month.

Do clubs have dress codes?

Sometimes clubs get picky if you have really short shorts or look untidy. I've been told at that I can't wear jeans with holes and another time that I can't wear trainers or boots but both times, I talked my way in anyway.
Often dress codes are only enforced when the person at the door has something up their arse and wants to keep you out for some reason. If you want to be on the safe side, call the club before going there.

Which clubs are nice enough to take my wife or girlfriend to?

I get this question often. If you are looking for a nice nude club that won't scare your wife, try Browns, or Spearmint Rhino, or if you would prefer a topless bar try Charlie Browns. But keep in mind that nude clubs offer lap dancing and that might be a little too much for some wives.
Some rules of thumb tips are: nude clubs generally have younger dancers but topless clubs have dancers who can and will chit chat more with you and your date. So pick your club according to what you are looking for.
Unless you want to show her how packed it can get, you might avoid Friday and Saturday nights. If she is uncomfortable sitting on the stage, all these clubs have tables away from the stage to sit at.

Which clubs are couple friendly?

The answer to your question is that there are no clubs specifically friendly to couples. It depends on the dancers that happen to work there. There are always bisexual dancers working at every club. You just have to find the one that you both like. One difference is that at some nude clubs, the pressure to get a lap dance is very high and there is little talking. Topless clubs are more relaxed and you can talk more before getting dances. However, you will not be getting any high mileage dances at topless clubs. One trick you might try using is for the both of you to sit at the stage and see how the dancer interacts with your wife or girlfriend. If she seems to concentrate on your wife, she's either bisexual or is smart enough to realize what you are looking for and giving it to you. In either case, she will probably give a good dance.

Where can I get lap dances for my wife or girlfriend?

With very few exceptions, your wife or girlfriend can get laps at any club that offers this service. However, if you want to watch, or you want to be sitting next to her while she gets her laps, you will have to go to a club that offers lap dancing out in the open. If the club offers lap dancing in "booths" like Ye Olde Axe, they maybe too small for the 3 of you to be in it at the same time. Personally, I find it more interesting to watch the other customers watch the lapping out in the open.
Generally speaking, topless clubs have milder lap dancing than nude clubs. If your female date wants to get nasty dances, you will have to go to a nude club. If she just wants to dabble in some fun, a topless club should suffice.

Are there any clubs that have no smoking?

Not yet.
Are there any other Adult Entertainment in London?

Other than strip clubs, there are massage parlours, hostess clubs, modelling studios, escort services, swingers clubs, and S&M / B&D dungeons. There are ads for some of these at PunterNet and Punterlink.

Are there any peep shows in London?

These are mostly found in the Soho area of London.

Are there clubs that have live sex shows?

No clubs open to the public has live sex shows (with penetration) since it is illegal in London (and the rest of the U.K.). If you get lucky, you might see some mild to wild girl/girl action at some clubs or during a feature act. Other than this you will need to go to a Private Party.

Are there clubs that allow picture taking?

As for strip clubs, there are no strip clubs that I know of that allow pictures to be taken without specific permission from the managers. The reason for this is not just because of the dancers, but it is also because most customers would not want their pictures to end up in a publication.
In the few venues that allow pictures to be taken, the pictures will only be taken by an authorised photographer working for the venue. Personal cameras are a big NO in strip venues.

Where should we go for a bachelor or birthday party?

If you guys want to drink and get a little rowdy, try Browns. The nasty factor is low but you can drink and enjoy watching the nude dancers on stage. If you guys need to see some pink action, I suggest Spearmint Rhino, Secrets or For Your Eyes Only because they are large and can easily accommodate a large group with no problems. Metropolis has a corporate entertainment room that you can rent, but personally I would prefer to stay in the main area.

Any info on private clubs or private shows?
Yes, but since I don't know you, there is no way I'm going to tell you about it. However, I can tell you how I found them. Most of the time, I found them by talking to dancers who worked at them. In a few instances, club workers told me about them.

How can I become a DJ at a club?

Depends on the club. If it's a good club where you can make some serious money, it's VERY hard to get a shift there, unless you know the owner, manager or one of the DJ's very well. Assuming you already have strip club DJing experience, you can get a DJ job at a less popular club or on a slow shift and work up from there.
If you have no DJing experience, you will have to start at a really slow club or know somebody there who will cut you a break.

What is legal at these clubs?

Under the law, ANY touching of customers by dancers is considered illegal. Therefore, couch or chair dances where the dancer grinds on the customer is illegal. However, most clubs ignore this law and allow the dancers to do so.
On stage, any simulation of sexual acts (e.g. air sex, licking of the pole) and touching of the nipples or genital areas are illegal. Most clubs allow simulations and some clubs even allow touching themselves and self penetration.
At some clubs, the dancer must be at least 3 feet away from the customer when they are topless/nude.

I have heard of busts at clubs. Should I be worried?

For Customers:
In a nude club, if you are doing a private dance, it is almost impossible for an undercover cop to be able to see what you are doing. Therefore, you cannot be cited for any offences. It's possible for a customer to be cited if you conduct illegal acts in the open where an undercover cop could see you in plain view. If you participate in illegal activities, such as having breasts pressed onto your face on the stage, you can be busted for lewd conduct.
To date, I have never heard of an undercover cop posing as a dancer and busting customers.
In a topless / nude club, unless you are drunk and getting into fights, it's almost impossible for the customer to be arrested. This is especially because the dancers at topless clubs are very careful.
The bottom line for customers is that it would be highly unlikely for the customer to be part of a bust unless you participate in super nasty dances out in the open. Of course, you can still be busted for participating in other illegal activities such as drug dealing, selling or buying illegal firearms or silencers or soliciting for prostitution or murder for hire, or stealing money from dancers etc.
For Employees at Clubs:
If you are the bartender or waitress and you serve a customer who is obviously already drunk, you can be arrested. If you are a manager or floater and an obvious illegal act is being performed on stage and there is a bust, it's theoretically possible for you to be arrested along with the dancers. Also, in rare cases, the manager can be busted if the club does not have the proper permits. The bottom line: If you want to be a politician, don't work in a strip club.

Should I be worried about being mugged at a strip club?
The odds of being mugged at a strip club are probably no higher than other similar establishments in the same neighbourhood (e.g. bars, dance clubs, pool halls). That doesn't mean you should relax. In any large city, you should always be on guard.
Never use the ATM at a strip club, and be very careful in the bathroom. To be safe, don't flash your money.
If something like this happens, insist on calling the police, no matter what the club says to you. Most of the time, the management will want to keep it quite because of the bad publicity, plus it's not a good idea for cops to have to come there for any reason.

I've been in clubs when there were shootings outside, guns being brandished inside, many fights, and have personally had my car broken into while at a strip club. Just be aware of your surroundings.

How do I open my own club?
Surprisingly, I get this question a lot. I'll be straight to the point. Opening a strip club in London is hard to do. This is because the city basically does not like them and want to try to prevent anybody from doing so. Some years ago, if you knew the right people, you could open a club for very little money. These days, with the stiff competition from big money clubs and chains, you need some heavy financial backing to be successful.
1. Get a good lawyer.
2. Find a good location.
3. Compute cost and "Show me the money!"
4. Obtain the licence.
5. Read the fine print.
If you thought it would be an easy way to make money or pickup dancers, forget it. It's serious business, and it takes a lot of money and time. There are a lot of other easier ways to make money or get laid.

What are the upsides and downsides to opening a strip club?
Positives:
It's an all cash business. If you manage to open a money maker, you will gross about 1M per year or more.
Negatives:
The business is still considered taboo and other businesses, home owners, and the police departments will all harass you depending on location. Picketers are possible, as well as regular busts. As with all retail businesses, you will get your share of lawsuits from dancers, customers, city, etc. Be ready to spend a lot of money on legal fees.
Be ready to pay-off everybody and his brother, starting with the cops, going all the way down to the guy that inspects the wiring in the building. I'm not joking.
Dealing with dancers is not the same as ordinary employees in a business. I can safely say that it is not like any other business. It's similar to the porn business except with more headaches because you are dealing with more people.